As the Fail Turns

Ah, fail. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Literally, you can’t. And as we pass from October into the land of elections and Scorpios, there have been a few “bloomps” on the histogram of fail worth nothing.

The largest turd on our radar, the lovable Westboro Baptist Church (WBC). A few weeks ago friends and family gathered to honor local fallen soldier Cody James Patterson — they were sadly met with news that the cretins from the WBC were going to be picketing. A few thousand people decided they were going to show up and block them in response. I can’t really say that Grenade Vs. Squirrel is a bad tactic to use against these subhumans, or that I’m anything but glad that so many people showed their support. The day was peaceful and went off without a hitch, but the aftermath? People rejoiced all over the Internet, patting themselves on the back for scaring away a van-load of WBC picketers. A prominent figure in local media blogged the whole shebang every step of the way, down to commentary on the songs; because that’s appropriate.

A lot of good was done that day, but honesty demands a certain line of questioning. Why people are so willing to get out of their armchairs and engage in a one-off mob while the anti-war demonstrators that have been out there on 4th St. every week for the last 12 years, for example, only see a minimal turnout? Or why these same people don’t jump as willingly into other meaningful action? Fact is, it’s harder when you have to work for it. Bring on the tar and feathers, but real change comes when people address the root of a problem first. As a society we need to be quicker to seek this out than we are at painting signs — before we paint them.

On a much, much lighter note, a big WTF goes out to Neiman Marcus, for selling the “Beau Coop” – a $100,000… yes, that’s right… a $100,000 chicken coop that looks like you’d take your shoes off before entering without even thinking twice. Great freakin’ Scott, why does this exist in the same world as the WBC picketers? Or anything else, for that matter. To take a look, visit

Cruising into November has been a bumpy road. On the 3rd it was reported that a former Democratic Speaker of the House, Jim Wright of Texas, tried to get a voter identification card – but was rejected because all he had was an expired driver’s license and a Texas Christian University faculty ID. The man is 90 years old. If voter ID laws were any more ridiculous, he would have been carrying a rubber chicken.

Also in the November bracket, and last but not least, we have the two top scoring films as of the 4th – Ender’s Game, based on a book written by a notorious homophobe, followed by something called “Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa.” The latter of which is, by default, the better film. Hey, I enjoyed Ender’s Game as well… but I know I’ll never be able to read it again after learning that Orson Scott Card would be better off fed to rabid hamsters.

by Johnny Beaver