Friday Night With The Advocate… WARNING: Some Things Cannot Be Unread

Move along, nothing weird to see here...
Move along, nothing weird to see here…

Sometimes you just need to get out—but what is there to do in Corvallis on your typical Friday night? Although initially we had set out to help you answer that question, it turns out that you’re probably safer just asking family and friends. Seriously. Run Away.

Johnny Beaver – Editor

My dream Friday is simple: no emails, no Facebook messages, no text messages, no voice mails or bricks with notes attached being tossed through my window. An air conditioner appears from thin air. Bills become anthropomorphic, fixed atop Unicorns, and pay themselves out of their own bank accounts, while mine overflows and I hoverboard (why not?) down to The Peacock for terrible scotch and endless rounds of Family Guy pinball, some funky soul rocking a cover of “If I Only Had A Brain” on karaoke.

Seth Aronson – Writer

Nudity.  My Friday nights would be dreary and remiss without nudity.  Sadly, the evening basically involves me sitting alone in my RV, slyly coaxing to fruition whatever overdue story I should have turned in Thursday.  I perform this task sans clothing, which would have made for quite an exciting “Wild Friday Nights in Corvallis” piece, if not for the solitary nature of the endeavor.   That said, lemme bid adieu, and jump back into my pile “Overdue.”

Bridget Egan – Writer

Nothing like doing it up right on a Friday night, so I aim big. First, I get into my sexy Christmas-themed p.j.’s  covered in unidentifiable stains. I heat up the oven to about 425 so everyone in the non-air conditioned house breaks into an uncomfortable sweat. Once my back is visibly wet, I slide two lovely Totinos pepperoni pizzas in the oven and open a few cans of PBR. Cheese scalding my tongue, a co-worker’s hacked HBO GO account playing reruns, and pizza sauce caked onto my cheek, I pass out to sweet dreams of another awesome Friday night.

Shalimar Jones – Abberation

My Friday nights always start off with a bang, when 4:30 rolls around and I start jonesing for some espresso. I roll over to Campbell’s Laundry and Coffee Bar—“Oregon’s Classiest,” their signage proclaims, which means it has a popcorn cart inside—and get hooked up with a 16oz Allann Brothers latte for under three bucks.  After the café closes at five, I have until midnight to take advantage of the sweet vending machines and free wi-fi, and maybe do a little yoga—it’s my “me” time. Why not make it your time?

Ygal Kaufman – Writer

Friday night is the night for loving. So I like to start off the weekend by eating tater tots. Like an offensive amount of tater tots. Then I usually stretch out on my couch and watch a Van Damme movie, probably Hard Target or Cyborg. Followed by some aggressive practice of karate or pellet gun marksmanship on my front porch in the fading light. Finally I may get into some light outdoor decoupage, time permitting.

Some Advocate staff members chose not to participate, fearing that their entries might be too weird…

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