Q: Dear Vivi,
My boyfriend wants to try BDSM, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. What should I do?
– To Tie Or Not To Tie
A: Typically, BDSM is perceived as using whips and tying your partner up; as wearing leather and either being hurt or doing the hurting. However, there are many shades to BDSM, which are as varied as the flavors of the ice cream aisle at the grocery store. The letters ‘BDSM’ refer to ‘Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism’. These areas of sexual play involve a dominant persona and a submissive persona. It’s not all about whips and chains and getting hurt, but exploring and living your fantasies, and growing as a sexual person.
In reality, BDSM is very common — people can practice BDSM without even knowing it. Have you ever blindfolded your partner, or held their hands down during sex? Have you ever bossed your partner around or demanded a certain position? If yes, then you practice BDSM.
My advice to you is to sit down and talk it over with your boyfriend. Find out what BDSM means to him, and discuss your feelings on the subject. If you really are uncomfortable with the idea of practicing BDSM, then your boyfriend should respect that — don’t feel pressured into it if you’re not 100% okay with trying it. BDSM can be a scary thing to try in the beginning, but you may find that you like it.
Questions? Comments? Contact me at vivibailey69[at]gmail[dot]com.