by Ava Oliver
So how does it feel to be dumped? I ask this because chances are if you’re attempting to date in this sad little town of ours you’ve recently been rejected. I know what you must be thinking. Oh the dating pool is limited, there’s nothing to do here, and my personal favorite the opposite sex is stupid. Oh I’m sorry, the correct answer is effen eff that. The truth is you probably did something idiotic and forgot the most important thing about being a twenty-something. We’re all too young to really know who we are, so we fill that empty space by throwing ourselves at the next person with a charming smile.
That is why, my lovelies*, I am here to consult you on your sad little break up problems by giving you my sure to work ways of getting over not only the asshole who rejected you, but also yourself. No one likes an emo kid anymore, that look was so high school so quit the poor me, boohoo water works and listen up.
The most important thing you can remember in the midst of your inner turmoil and self-doubt is that pride is everything. Don’t give it up as easily as you gave up access to your unmentionables. Whatever you do please don’t become that one creeper who texts them constantly. They’re not texting you for a reason, and that reason is probably ridiculously stupid. Just go with my one and done rule. They get one text. JUST ONE! Make it something light, such as asking how their day was and if they don’t respond it’s their loss.
Now you’ve followed that rule, good for you! Whatever you do don’t freak out and obsess over it. We’re all lucky to live in a society in which our media proliferates the idea of being a young sexually promiscuous twenty-something as the norm. Take advantage of that and have fun. You won’t regret it.
If I sound insensitive do forgive me for I to have fallen victim to rejection. In fact let me recount to you the story of the boy in the bathrobe. I met a guy who I thought was great, I knew him for a while and even had a couple of classes with him. Long story short I pulled a Kardashian and slept with him on the first date. The sex was pretty good but I found out a dirty little secret when all was said and done. He not only proceeded to wear his bathrobe for the rest of the night, but he also recounted the story of going to the grocery store in it on several occasions. My high maintenance ass, that’s frequently seen in skinny jeans and a sexy coat, was deeply disturbed. I however, enjoyed his company so I overlooked it. That was a big mistake.
We went on two dates after that, both more incompetent than the last. After the third date I have yet to get a response to my pleasant How-Are-You-Doing -Text. I followed my own one and done rule and guess what? It was the best thing I could have done, because now I’m seeing an adorable guy who actually knows how to dress himself without mommy’s help.
Next time you get dumped remember, we all go through it and chances are, waiting just beyond the corner, is someone actually worth spending time with. At this age we don’t have time to worry about fake losers, we have papers to write, jobs to do and people to have unabashed sex with. You’ll understand once you reach your turning point. I know I reached mine when I realized I don’t want a guy who has a better relationship with his bathrobe then he does with a woman.
*I’m calling you lovely because you probably just got dumped and could use the confidence boost.